I shared a pic of myself online recently that zeroed in on a part of myself that I spent a long time dismissing, hiding, and wishing I didn’t have. This curly hair of mine. Hair that, in middle-school, I’d rise an hour and a half before we had to leave for school *just* so I could blow dry and attempt to straighten it. (Mind you, we didn’t have straightening irons back then, so it was as “straight” as a paddle brush and the blow dryer on high were going to get it…which really was more of a ‘wavy with a slight all-over fuzz’ than ‘straight’.) Hair that, in college, when trying to blow dry it, I’d literally be dripping in sweat after the effort of trying to make it be something it wasn’t.
I don’t know why I fought the curl so much. Maybe I didn’t see very many curly-haired women, period, let alone curly-haired women that I found beautiful? (I mean, god love Susan Sarandon, but LOOK at that hair! THAT is what curly hair looked like in the 80s!!)
Maybe because curly-haired girls were generally the rarity amongst friends at sleepovers and thus, I’d do anything to be like the other girls?
Maybe because in growing up, it seems normal to fight yourself in order to become what you think others want you to be? Probably all of those things….who knows?…all I know is that at some point, after college, after a relationship I was in ended, I started letting my hair air-dry, and I stopped fighting myself.
I’ll never forget, I ran into that ex once shortly after switching to au natural curly-ness, and he took note of my change in hairstyle, and gave me the nicest compliment, “I really like your hair…you should never straighten it again…the curly hair is just so YOU” And I know he truly meant it. Because I felt more like me than I ever had with straight hair.
Not because I think straight hair is bad, or wrong for me. I love a good smoothing straightening session after my stylist does my hair, but more so because I appreciate the beauty that only she can extract out of the stuff on top of my head. No, I truly feel like ‘me’ with curly hair because I’ve changed my mindset about the hair itself. Rather than fighting something as ingrained as HAIR, I’m going with the flow…allowing rather than resisting…accepting rather than disliking….enhancing rather than changing.
I’m not ‘keeping up with the Jones’ anymore when it comes to my hair – or my fitness or life goals for that matter. I’m finding what is a part of me already, or is a part of my potential, and then making that as awesome as possible. Like I said when I posted that pic of me & my hair…
“whatever YOU is, figure that out, then do YOU as hard as you possibly can for the rest of your life.”
That doesn’t mean set the bar low. Nope, you should still aim high, set lofty goals, & set out to do what you previously thought was impossible. I’m simply urging you to take a look at the goals you’ve set, and ensure that they are goals that max out YOUR potential, not goals that steer you toward becoming someone you truly aren’t.
You want your goals to be such that they allow the best of you to flourish, not goals that strangle the real you. In nature, do you think tomatoes desperately want to become cucumbers? No, tomatoes flourish into the absolute best tomato possible by living their True Nature to its fullest.
I suppose you *could* become something other than your true Nature, but why? That seems like a path with significant resistance. I *could* have lovely straight hair every day, but that is far more difficult to achieve than simply allowing my hair to flourish in the manner it most prefers. Rather than fight for something you don’t have as part of your True Nature, why not strive to make what you DO have the very best it can be? This could mean doing the job you truly feel connected to-which may not be the one you got your degree in…working out so that your own body type is enhanced-vs trying to create one that just isn’t there to begin with…letting your hair/your eyebrows/your style shine to its fullest-rather than downplaying what you’ve got in favor of what you want…anything at all, so long as you have ensured that what you’re working to become or achieve makes you more YOU than you were before!
I’d love to know about what makes you more YOU, if you’re so inclined, drop a note in the comments section and tell me about the you that makes you YOU!
Fit For Real Life 
Posted on July 31, 2013
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