Dusting the Cobwebs Off…

Posted on December 21, 2012

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(wrote this while on a wknd getaway to Minneapolis, while sitting in a kickass {read: NOT starbucks} coffee shop doing something I never do anymore….chilling out. Made me miss my college days when I did this in coffee shops across the UK, Europe, and beautiful downtown Valparaiso, IN. LOL)

**I leave old writing like this up, even though what I’m writing in the post isn’t accurate anymore, because I think it’s important to show where you’ve come from. I’ve always considered my blog to be like an online-journal, and in that sense, it’s really cool to look back at old entries and see that I’ve evolved some thought processes & been able to move to a new level of insight on life. I’m by no means “there” yet (are we ever?)…but it’s cool to look at your past, see that you’ve changed, and know that more change is possible/probable in the future.**

I’ve been away from my blog for so long! Simply, to put out the content and thoughts that I think are helpful, fun & interesting, it takes a lot more time & creativity than I have some days. I don’t think for a moment that I’m anyone important enough to warrant some special explanation to you readers as to what I’ve been up to while not blogging. But it always seems odd to jump right back into content when there has been a noticeable pause in the action of this site. So – let’s do a quick update & move along, shall we? 🙂

Gym is growing. My sleep duration is growing in proportion to the near-constant darkness of winter. Re-prioritizing. Something that has felt like growth. That’s what’s been up over the last few months!

Letting go of the guilt & the “should’s”…that’s also been ‘up’ recently. I’m a perfectionist…and I try to own everything in my life. And what I didn’t know for a long while was that I could engage the positive parts of being a perfectionist without also engaging the more negative parts of that trait. Meaning, I could own my decisions, do my best, but without having to also take on major guilt and stress in the effort to do my best. I’m not always managing that lesson, but I’m doing so much more than I used to.

Guilt and I aren’t besties anymore. We’re still speaking to eachother but only on ‘special’ occasions. Read: we’re buds again only when I choose to lose focus on what matters….and fyi guilt matters not two shits in most instances. I lay in bed longer than ever before. I let paperwork sit till tomorrow that I used to stay up till all-hours to finish. I don’t tie working out to whether or not I ate crappy food the day before. I have streaks where wine comes to dinner every night. And, I do nothing in the way of regular blog management these days.

Now that I sound like a total lazy-ass, let me clarify. I work my tooshie off all the time that I’m not doing guilt-free things. It’s just that, in the past, I tried to see life through self-judgement glasses. And that only works doesn’t work because despite seeming to add to your bank account via task-accomplishment, it actually consistently deletes the bank account by putting 1 in, but taking 2 out. Before, if I got 2 things done, they were diminished greatly by the one thing I didn’t get done. This generally leads to feeling like shizzzzz most of the time because you never do enough to meet your own high unreachable standards. How lame.

As I’ve gotten older, it appears true that one does have the potential to become wiser, and frankly, I’ll take the fine line & single grey hair that has shown up in order to have the wisdom of disconnecting my personality from the negative aspects of it as guilt and self-(negative)judgement.

I proudly continue owning every decision I make in life, I just no longer allow myself to ruin the moment I’m in because I’m fretting about something I “should be” doing.

Because guilt is a loser of a choice.

Oh…PS – I’m up to something. Really hope you like it. We’ll find out on 1/1/13.

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Posted in: Evolve Thyself