Change is afoot.

Posted on April 8, 2011


Right, so I’ve been MIA lately. If I wanted to mark a momentous birthday with something really big, well, I certainly did that. And so I’ve taken the last week to decompress a bit. Thus, no writing, just thinking. (Which should turn into some lovely writing) While it’s not the commitment my mother would have probably wanted, it’s a massive commitment and one that I’m SO FREAKING EXCITED about. Not only because of what it is, but for what it’s going to allow me to do, and how it’s going to affect my life!

Maybe some people can totally compartmentalize their mind and life so that they can do multiple different things and still have room for creativity or fun, but not me. I’m working on this, but in reality, I still very much connect my full mind, body, emotion and spirit to whatever is taking up most of my time at the moment. And when I’m “in”, I’m all in. To the point that I find it hard to bring energy to things that don’t drive straight back to that one thing I’m most connected to.

“Moonlighting” doesn’t work well for me because I devote so much of my energy to whatever I’m supposed to be doing right then and there. I tried to moonlight my writing while first working at the performance center, and it totally wrecked me. Burning the candle at both ends only made ‘giving my best’ into what was my “best-when-I’m-exhasuted-cranky-and-flat” energy.

So I need to make it so whatever I’m doing, doesn’t have to be done via moonlighting, it can have my full attention. Here’s a pretty nice piece from Gary de Rodriguez’s teachings that helped me to see that, yep, this monumental shift I’m creating is absolutely right-on for how I want my life to go. Here’s what Gary teaches:

“If you stay trapped in the emotions of the story you’ve made up, your destiny will go unfulfilled. Say it: “I’m the one”. By this thought, you claim your place in the world. Take a stand for your life and actualize the purpose for why you came. We are unaware of what our language is programming into our body. Say out-loud “I want”/”I wish” vs “My choice is”/”I require”  Say this: “I need…I want….I require” – which has more power?

Desire = latin root, from the father, literally means, “more  wanting w/o ever having the outcome”. Your subconscious takes your language literally. Your subconscious process your emotion during sleep. You will see it when you believe it. Stay out of your story! Whatever you are dwelling on, you create more of. The more you focus on the direction you are moving instead of the story about where you’ve been, you create your life out of your hearts’ desire.”

Love it.